So here I am, 37 years old. How did that happen? Sometimes I feel like I am literally watching myself play house. I simply can’t believe that I am married with 3 kids. One time I asked my Auntie on her 60th birthday how did she feel and she replied ‘I feel like I’m still 21’. I know imagine this to be so true, as each year passes you get older and obviously more tired but your mind stays the same. One day I feel like I will look in the mirror and be an old lady without even noticing the years passing.
It’s been a strange old year. Firstly, I have suffered with anxiety for the first time ever. It was a just horrible experience. It made me weepy, paranoid and just overwhelmed with everything. I still feel it some days more than I care to admit. Just last week I had days were I felt terrible, I was run down, I couldn’t sleep and I was a crying mess. This week everything seems clearer again and I wonder how I let myself get so worked up. I’m not sure if this is something that I will always struggle with, I hope not, but if I do I need to try and remember it will pass.
This year I returned to work part time, my maternity days all finished (which makes me feel a little sad and relieved all at the same time). Although our weeks are more frantic than ever with lots of rushing and shouting, returning to work definitely does me good, allowing me to just to step away from it all for a couple of days and concentrate on something else, to chat to people and be able to give them my full attention and, well, to simply be Natalie for a few hours.
I struggled with friendships this year. I felt let down by people who I thought I could trust. Maybe they felt let down too. I feel like I have less patience with people and maybe expect too much. Being a good friend is something that is important to me but maybe I have changed.Maybe I am too sensitive and take too much to heart. I am definitely trying to accept people for who they are, appreciate the good and not concentrate on the bad. I tell Meme stop worrying about what people think, but it’s hard isn’t it? I guess we all want to be liked and accepted, even at 37 years old. I think this will always be something I need to work on.
Despite the negatives of this past year, I do feel incredibly happy. I look at what I have, at what I have achieved and I feel very lucky. I want to fill this year with more adventures, more self care and more time with my husband watching our little family grow. Laughing, loving and planning. Let’s all drink to that!