What is wrong?

People tell me all the time that I am lucky, and they are right, I really am. I have a lovely supportive husband and three beautiful children. I have a lovely home and nice things. I guess you can say I have everything that I ever dreamt of.

So I can’t help but question why do I feel so sad?

The last three months I have struggled, really struggled. I have gone from this really positive person to having so many negative thoughts. I have gone from being the most sociable person in the room to avoiding seeing people even family. I don’t know why I feel like this, I can’t even pinpoint the exact moment I started feeling this way, but I do.

I take the tiniest thing and let it build up in my head to the point where I just cry over it. I don’t sleep well. I dwell on things that go wrong. Some days I feel so overwhelmed by it all. I feel sad that people I am close to don’t ask me what is wrong with me, how don’t they know that I feel this way? How can they not see that I have changed into this person I don’t recognise? Maybe because I keep it all in, I smile when I see them – in fact I make excuses not to see them. They just think I am busy and don’t question it. Why would they?

I feel guilty for feeling like this, I feel embarrassed. I don’t want to talk about it, maybe because when I do then I am admitting that something is wrong, but maybe now I need to take steps to address it. I need to make those steps to feel better, for the sake of my children, for the sake of my marriage, and more importantly for the sake of me.

I miss the old me – I just need to find her and bring her back.

4 thoughts on “What is wrong?

  1. I’m so sorry to read that you are feeling like this. Things can get so overwhelming at times and it’s difficult to know where to start with telling someone about it. Please do message me if it would help at all to chat.
    Nat.x

  2. Ah Nat, I’m sorry to read this. I don’t think you’re alone in these feelings at all. Have you considered going to your doctor and having a chat about it? Maybe you’ve got a little bit of PND? Please don’t feel ashamed of feeling like this, many people do. xx

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