The picture above has to be one of my favourites – I remember the memory well. Taken six months ago. It was New Year’s Day and we spent it on the beach listening to bagpipes play Auld Langs Syne. We were eating Cornish pastries and drinking tea when we asked a passer by to take a picture. We have few pictures of the 5 of us. This one is far from polished or perfect, our hair all windswept and our noses red with cold, it means something special that we captured the first day of a whole new year. A day were you reflect on the past and make changes for the future. It fills me with hope and possibilities. I promise to myself that this year will be great. I will be happier, richer, healthier and more successful. I will blog more and save more, eat better and be thankful for everything I have.
Unfortunately we say these words and whilst we really mean them but before we know it we are back almost instantly to the daily grind of rushing and generally winging it all. Life I suppose gets in the way of all these idealistic notions.
These past six months have been somewhat challenging. A few days into January I was informed that changes were being made. My part time job was at risk. The following months were a blur of emotions and change. Now here I am half way through the year still very much unsure of where I will be at the end of the year. I am no stranger to being made redundant (it is the industry that I work in) but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel the pain any less. The plans to blog more, join the gym and save have all been put to one side as we juggle child care and the financial uncertainty. At times I have been snappy and grumpy with everyone worrying about what will happen and how will I cope. I struggle with change which seems to be getting worse every year that I get older.
However I do feel like I have entered June with a little bit of clarity. Maybe it is because we have just returned from a little trip away and I have once again filled my head of all unrealistic notions. Or maybe it is because I have realised that what will be, will be. I can’t really change what will happen in the next six months, it is out of my hands. However what I can change is how I deal with it. I can change how I let it all affect me. I can appreciate what I have right now which is lovely family, a job a home, my parents, all those things that I can take for granted, that I sometimes accept as a given, yet not everyone is as lucky.
I never used to worry as much as I do now. However I know worry comes hand and hand with being a Mum and having responsibility. However I need to learn to sometimes let the worry and my anxieties pass through me and not take over me. To of course allow myself to be upset over events but not let them dictate my daily mood, and to maybe allow myself to believe that as one door closes another one opens.