There are some things in life that go hand in hand – new born babies and sleepless nights, Fish and Chips, Night and Day etc. Well, for me, it’s pregnancy and redundancy. I am on my third pregnancy and also my 3rd risk of redundancy.
Redundancy at any time of your life is just rubbish. It happens to a lot of people, some more than others. However, it can be soul destroying, it can feel embarrassing and I guess it just reminds us that we are just a number and, for me, who always likes to see the best in people and often wears rose tinted glasses, that makes me feel really sad.
I think sometimes we forget that we can just be replaced and it is such a bitter pill to swallow. When I work for someone I do it with all my heart – I fully throw myself into my job. I am not saying I am the best employee in the world I work around my children and, due to this, am not the most flexible and can be a little unorganised at times (I am thinking of my messy desk as I write this!) However, I am loyal, I work hard and I do what is expected of me and I do it well. I think most important of all I care and I suppose I expected to be cared about. But I guess when cuts need to be made and money needs to be saved, we are all just a digit on a spreadsheet which can be easily erased. There is no room for compassion, no thought of the person, the families we have to support – I guess it’s just business.
I realise this is just life, it happens all the time to people. It’s not personal and we have to just dust ourselves off and get back up again. I actually feel wiser now. The first time it happened to me it hurt, really hurt. It was at a time where I had just become a Mum and, if truth be told, I was a bit lost. I felt my job defined me and without it my self confidence plummeted. It took me a long time to get over it. I guess now I am older and more cynical, which in itself I hate. I miss that positive bright eyed girl who trusted everyone and took people at face value. I am more aware that people have agendas and money will generally always take precedent over anything else. It is what makes the world go around and I guess it is naive to think otherwise. I guess it just all makes me feel a little meh!
I don’t know what’s going to happen to my job, I guess at the moment I’m past caring a little. I feel battered and bruised from it all. I long to just go on maternity leave with nothing to worry about except the arrival of my new baby and I long to be able to return to a job that I know, that I’m good at and with colleagues that I love….we will see. I guess the whole process has left a bitter taste in my mouth and has maybe opened my eyes to my future.
Have you been affected by redundancy?