Confidence

When I was younger I always thought being 30 was really grown up, even when I was dancing on tables and going from job to job I thought it would be all different in my 30’s. I naively believed that on my 30th birthday I would magically transform into this confident successful woman who would know who she was and knew what she wanted to be. I would have a career, I would know who my friends were. I would not care what other people thought of me and I would have a strong self esteem.

Well I am now in my mid thirties and for some reason that magical spell did not happen. I am more confused than I have ever been. Since having my girls my confidence levels have plummeted, I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up ( could someone please define what age grown up is?) and, quite frankly, I am more conscious of what people think about me more than ever.

Some people talk about how they completely found themselves when they had Children but, not for me, and I know it is such a cliche but I completely lost myself.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel as lost as I did when I first had Meme. I honestly felt like I was in a fog like existence in the first year, but I don’t think I have ever truly found myself. I feel so new age Mum writing this but it’s true.

I feel I should clarify that I am really happy, I have a lovely husband and 2 beautiful girls, I have a gorgeous home and a supportive family. I am not timid, if a friend is having trouble with someone I am there fighting her corner, or if my Meme is having trouble in school I am right in that classroom demanding answers, but, when it comes to me, I seem to really struggle.

Why is this? How do I fix this? I honestly do need to work on my confidence as it is holding me back so much but I don’t know where to start. I am not a 16 year old kid, I am a 34 year old Mum of two. I should have this covered by now. I am not sure what happens next but I know acknowledging it can only help. Small steps.

 

18 thoughts on “Confidence

  1. Hi – I found that my confidence grew after having my daughter, so opposite to you. Can I ask… what type of thing do you have trouble with confidence in? #MarvMondays xx

    1. It is funny as lots of people say they felt more confident after having Children. I definitely have confidence issues with my appearance and meeting new people – I got made redundant shortly having my first Child and I think that really affected me. Thanks for your comment. x

  2. I can definitely relate to thinking I would be sorted for life by the time I was 30! I’m almost 37 now with 2 little ones and to be honest, I don’t think I will ever be confident in the way I feel about myself but I certainly have a totally new perspective on life now, e.g. as you say if something was troubling my child I couldn’t give a stuff what anyone thinks, I would deal with it the way I wanted to, to hell with what people thought. For me this IS confidence, and it sounds like you are the same. With regards to how you feel about yourself, I find it hard to believe that anyone is truly confident in their own skin, it’s just that some people are better at hiding it than others. So try not to give it too much thought, and remember, everyone else is too busy worrying about themselves to worry about your wardrobe/thighs/wrinkles or whatever might be bugging you 🙂 #MarvMondays

    1. Thank you lovely, I guess you are right, some people just seem to ooze confidence I am in awe sometimes. I think I just need to cut myself some slack at times and try to stop worrying about people around me. Easier said than done though! x

  3. It sounds like you do have confidence in being a mother and looking out for the people you care about. I think writing a blog takes confidence too; it certainly did for me as putting myself out there felt scary! I think you’re very brave writing so honestly, it’s great. As far as advice goes I don’t know, perhaps taking time to do things just for yourself, a hobby or interest will help? #MarvMondays

    1. Thanks lovely, I feel like my blog is a little bit of therapy at times. It did take me a long time to tell people about it and I am so uncomfortable promoting it but I am trying to put myself out there a little more. x

  4. You’re braver than you think you are. You have written this brilliant post for starters! I really identify with everything you’ve put in this post, it’s like when you’re older you should suddenly be who you are meant to be and have this clear idea about who you are, but I don’t think it works like that. Everyone struggles now and again, there is no quick fix to anything but being thankful for what we have and grateful for the little things can make a huge difference.

  5. I really feel for you, it sounds like a little more self belief could be all that is needed, enjoy your family and believe in yourself as an an essential part of your family unit and a person in your own right. #ShareWithMe

  6. I dont think youre alone, I totally get and can relate to this. I wouldnt say I’ve lost my confidence since having my little lady, but I definitely lost or got confused about who I was as a mum. Its a strange time and I think over time you just find a new version of yourself – for me that is just being more comfortable, happy and secure in the life that I have which is the best feeling in the world. Maybe it isnt about looking or realising who you are, but being comfortable with it?.. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays again, lovely to have you back x Emily

  7. I often feel this way alot because I have everything else under control and would stand up to anyone but I am way too sensitive and not confident in myself sometimes and I thought that would go away at 30 too but at 32 it’s not even close. It’s a whole new ball game when B started school and I felt I was right back in it with the school moms and all the competing activities. eek You are not alone. I don’t think we ever feel grown up.Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. Sorry to be late commenting we have my mother visiting from America. 🙂 Thanks for joining in. #sharewithme

  8. I feel so much more confident now that I am in my thirties. I know my body and no so many fashion mistakes anymore. I am definitely more assertive (not that I needed to be really but he ho LOL). I am sure you will be more confident at some point, maybe later on in life. Don’t worry too much about it. It will come naturally. I think the more you thin about it, the more it will annoy you. XX #SharingtheBlogLove

  9. I found my confidence when I left school and went to university at 18. For me everything changed overnight and I found I was able to stand up for myself. I think it is different for everybody though and it is very natural to feel so different after children – they change us completely. And redundancy has certainly knocked the confidence off everybody I know who has experienced it. I would also like to know what I am meant to be when I grow up. My children are at a stage where they no longer really need me at home full time and I am having a bit of a “what do I do with my life now”? Just concentrate on you and don’t get too hung up on it and hopefully it will fall into place one day… Sorry I can’t be more helpful! #SharingtheBlogLove

  10. I completely understand this, I thought some how I would wake up and my head would be sorted. Nope, just as confused and I am in my mid forties! I’m trying to be more laid back, not over think, be a little more zen with life, let’s face it I can’t control it. So go with the flow….#Sharingthebloglove

  11. I completely relate to this Natalie. I feel like I should have this nailed by now and I really don’t. I actually feel less confident as I get older and the longer I’ve been a mum. At the moment my anxiety is at an all time high with Alice starting school and the worry of fitting in with the other school mum’s. Every day I hope I will wake up and feel like I’ve grown up, but every day I haven’t. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove X

  12. I’ve struggled with confidence all my life, but I do feel that I’ve gained confidence in my 30’s. I think it’s less confidence in myself, and more caring less about what other people think about me, which perhaps isn’t quite the same thing. I’m sorry that you feel you’re struggling with this – I don’t have any advice, as I do think the more you stress about it, the more i becomes ‘a thing’. Just because it’s not happened for you until now, it doesn’t mean that it won’t! I think you should draw so much confidence from your blog though – it really is one that I always look forward to reading, and obviously a space where you feel confident enough to express your thoughts. Thanks so much for joining us again at #SharingtheBlogLove

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