Motherhood is tough…. isn’t it? It has took me almost 7 years and 3 children to finally pinpoint one of the main reasons it can be so hard at times. Of course there are many contributing factors such as lack of sleep, lack of money and the loneliness it can bring. However, I think the main reason why at times it can feel like such an uphill struggle is because it is constantly changing – all the time!
Think about it, you go to school and it is pretty constant for the majority of your childhood – the same routine, the same friends. Then you hit your twenties and get a job – a similar set up, you have the same friends, the same routine. Of course there is the odd change here and there. You may changes jobs, make new friends, go travelling – but overall life is constant, steady. You actually take it for granted.
Now I have children I feel like my life is constantly changing. Every year each milestone brings new changes, new friends, new routines. I struggle with this. I remember when Meme was born and my good friend had a baby 6 months earlier. We had a couple of years blissfully spending time with each other, raising our children, attending baby groups and becoming really close and then boom – her little boy started school. I felt lost. Of course, I still see my friend but we meet up every few months rather then every week. I have gone on to have more children whilst she hasn’t. Our lives are in different places now. That bond we once shared has gone, it’s a distant memory.
Life is now full of different friends at different times with a constant stream of different people flowing through my life. You make friends at baby groups who then return to work, you have play dates with people of a similar age to your children but then one of them starts school. You make friends with your child’s friends Mums but then they stop playing together. It’s pretty exhausting.
I am the stage now where I am finding my feet as a Mama of three, trying to ensure that I have some one on one time with all of them (which let me tell you is no easy feat!). Making sure that they feel secure and happy and that they know where they fit in our family. The same goes for my relationship with my husband – trying to make sure that we have some time together and our marriage doesn’t suffer. We are half way through the year and I am still trying to get to that place where we are all happy. Yet I am aware that my maternity leave ends in a few months and change will be upon us again.
There is no solution to this especially now my children are so young. Right now life will continue evolving no matter how much I try to resist it. I know I need to try and maybe just embrace this period, enjoy these new friends even if it is for only a short time. Enjoy my time with each child even though I know it will possibly have to stop again in a few months. Maybe I just need to learn to enjoy the moment.