There is one characteristic that I really dislike about myself but its something I can’t change. I’m sensitive. I hate it – I cry easily from reading an emotional blog post to watching a sad film to simply being over tired. Not only that, I also cry when I am angry – I want to shout and scream but it just ends in tears. I seem to care more about what people think more so than ever, a passing comment from someone can play on my mind for days. I guess I just really feel things. I wear my heart on my sleeve. When I love someone I love them completely and deeply, if someone hurts me then it takes me a long time to forgive them.
Growing up I always thought if I could change one thing it would be this.
Meme is just like me. She is like a delicate flower but, instead of embracing this, I find myself getting cross. Just last weekend we took a trip to Southport, it was a hot day and so, like any seaside resort, it was really busy. There was a park there and my girls ran to it excited. Whilst playing on the slide there were boys being a little cheeky, running up the slide the wrong way and not letting people go down it, which caused in all kind of tears from Meme. Also when crossing a bridge, an other boy told her to move out the way – well, this was all it took and she was in tears and wanted to go. I was furious with her, I don’t want her to be letting children make her cry over silly things, I want her to be able to stand up for herself and, in true Natalie style, I could feel my voice break as I shouted at her – typical I was starting to cry as I shouted at her for crying.
I knew I had overreacted and, as I spoke to my husband that night he said ‘Nat, she is just like us – sensitive’ that word again. I don’t want her to be sensitive, I feel like this word has plagued me all my life. I want her to be brave and confident and stick up for herself, I don’t want her to get upset so easily and worry about what other people think, I want her to be different to me. I want her to reach for the stars and not let anything hold her back.
But she is who she is and I love her for it. She is caring, loving and simply lovely. I need to instead of trying to change her, accept her and realise being sensitive isn’t a weakness. I want her to grow up seeing her sensitivity as a positive attribute.
Do you see being sensitive as a weakness?