I have been feeling a little strange regarding my blog the last few weeks, it’s hard to put my finger on it but something just doesn’t feel right. A couple of months ago I wrote some blogging goals and I was determined to get a little more serious about it all.
For the first time ever I am monitoring my stats, linking up to more sites and trying to put myself out there. After watching other bloggers write reviews and sponsored posts it is finally my turn to write some and, let’s face it, there is no better feeling than when somebody wants to work with you. Isn’t that what we are all working towards?
Well, actually, I’m not sure. I actually don’t know anymore what I want from my blog. As much as I love writing and taking pictures, savouring these precious memories, I hate waking up every morning thinking what picture can I put on Instagram. As much as I love joining linkys, I hate the pressure of trying to comment on x amounts of posts. I hate that blogging never allows you to be able to switch off – I feel like I am constantly trying to think of ways to increase my traffic, to build up my social media followers and, quite frankly, it’s exhausting.
So then maybe I should just write and not worry about all the extras, stop linking up, stop my social media accounts, stop working with PR companies and simply just write. However, this doesn’t sit quite right with me either. I feel by doing this I am selling myself short – of course I want people to read and enjoy my blog, I want to interact with bloggers and to work with brands to have a successful blog.
Maybe this strange feeling I’m experiencing is ambition. I have never been an ambitious person, I have never craved a high flying career or to earn amazing money, it really has never bothered me. So maybe for the first time in my life I am feeling ambitious. If I am being completely truthful with myself I have to admit that I want to achieve something with my blog and this scares me a little. I guess with success comes failure and maybe this is what I am fearful of. The last month or so I have put myself out there and at times it has resulted in disappointment. I hate that feeling of not being quite good enough but I know rejection is all part of achieving something.
I have no answers to my questions but I am hoping things will become more clearer over time. So, for now, I will plod on doing what I am doing, working hard and trying my best – isn’t that what I teach my girls?