Even though my eldest daughter Meme wasn’t planned (none of my children were!), I always knew I wanted children, they were always in the plan. I always wanted to marry the man of my dreams and have lots of children, we would live in a big house, go on adventures and live happily ever after – and, well, I guess I could say that I’m living the dream (well the house could be a bit bigger naturally!). However, I had absolutely no idea how hard this dream would be. Being a Mother is the hardest job in the world, I have learned more in the last 7 years than I ever would have imagined.
I often hear people say “when I have children it wont change me” and, in the early days of motherhood I used to get quite defensive and think thoughts like “You wont change?? Are you kidding me? Do you think I want to be sat here in a t-shirt that smells of baby sick, do you think I want to spend my Fridays nights in bed by 9.30pm? Do you really believe that I want to look and feel like this?”
Nobody plans to change, nobody chooses to change. The reality is you don’t have a choice! It is not about you anymore.
Whether you like it or not motherhood changes you. I am a completely different person since having my children and I am ok with this. I might not look like I used to, my hair isn’t as groomed, my clothes aren’t as trendy and I am constantly tired. And it’s not just the way I look, I don’t feel the same, I struggle to switch off and I’m no longer that chilled out fun loving girl my husband met all those years ago. There is simply too much going on in my head, so much to remember and too much responsibility.
Yet, with all that said, I feel truly blessed that they are mine and I do believe Motherhood has changed me for the better. I’m more patient than I ever realised, letting my Harri help me in the kitchen when I’m in a rush to make tea, watching them insist they fasten their own seatbelt when we are already running late, reading the same bedtime story over and over again and let’s not forget the whole potty training phase.
I am more compassionate, I have stayed awake stroking the faces of my little ones when they are sick, willing them to feel better and, when they’ve had a bad day, I make it my mission to cheer them up. When they have a problem I stay up at night thinking of how we can fix it.
I also appreciate the little things more, a hot cup of tea, a nice meal and the brief time I get to spend with my husband.
I have never been an ambitious person, I don’t need a fancy title and huge wage. I don’t desire to have an award winning blog or millions of followers on Instagram, I honestly don’t care about any of this. Yet, now I’m a Mother, I want to do my very best, I want to raise them to be the best they can be. I want to take them on adventures and hope that one day they will take me on theirs. I plan to fill their little life’s with memories so when they get older all they can remember is the new places we see, the road trips we take, the dancing in the kitchen together and the cheers when Alfie says a new word. I want them to always remember how important and loved they are, I want them to always know that together we can solve any problem.
So thank you Meme, Harri and Alfie, for giving me the best job ever, one I am determined to succeed in.